You’ve heard how important self-care is and have probably even reminded yourself or a stressed…
| Now more than ever you have tons of time with your family and well, it’s A LOT of togetherness. Mix that with quarantine, uncertain times, other parts of life that are still happening, sprinkle in homeschooling and it’s a perfect recipe for moms to lose it. I’m going to share an inside look of when I lose my shit and the reasons behind it so it can help us get over being mad moms.
I’m Stephanie, author of Embrace the Beautiful Chaos of Motherhood, helping moms find their Zen in the whirlwind craziness of motherhood and life. In this video, we are talking about when I lose my shit and how not to lose your shit as a mom, especially while quarantined with your family! Ready to discover all 5 triggers and get access to some freebies? I have a couple of free resources especially for you that I’ll share at the end that will help you get through all this with less anger and less stress.
|I am a mom of 3 – two boys and a girl. I have lived on both sides of chaos as a mom – totally consumed and utterly overwhelmed by it, often reacting in anger and on the flip side – centered and balanced in spite of that chaos. The steps I have taken and continue to take aren’t as elusive as I once believed they were. Anyone can do it and my job is to help moms realize how they can bring more peace and balance into their beautiful chaos of motherhood.
I wrote Embrace the Beautiful Chaos of Motherhood: The Secret of Staying True to Yourself over the past couple of years for the mom I used to be. I needed this book 13 years ago, but it hadn’t been written yet. I accumulated my life experience and healing and put it in the pages of my book to help moms who feel consistently overwhelmed, anxious and stressed find more peace, rewrite old beliefs and expectations and step into a new version of their power.
So, the angry mom explained – Here’s what I used to think made me maddest as a mom:
I saw these acts as THE reason for my anger when I would lose my shit. It was the kids’ fault, right? I began to realize that it wasn’t every eye-roll that would flip the anger switch for me. This must have meant that it wasn’t the kids’ actions, but whatever was going on IN me that was the true cause. The kids’ actions are external triggers and can set me off depending on the day, but aren’t the real reason I get angry and lose my shit. To find that, I have to look at my internal triggers. That’s where the real answers are. So sure, while the whining is super annoying, I discovered that it wasn’t the root cause of my anger.
Here’s what really leads to my maddest moments as a mom when I lose my shit:
Being tired and/or hungry
|How many of these external triggers can you relate to?|
|Let’s take a deeper look at these internal triggers. The better we understand them, the better we can handle them when they show up:
Being tired and/or hungry
Just run for cover while you throw me a snack, ok? We all get edgy when we need something physically – sleep, food, better temperature, etc. So, grab a Snickers bar to fix this one, or whatever you need in that moment. This is usually one of the easier triggers to fix for ourselves but is worth being mentioned since it can happen so frequently. Always think of this first when you start to feel triggered, k?
Having Unrealistic Expectations (of someone or the moment)
Bedtime is a perfect example for this one – I am usually way more ready for the kids to go to bed than they are, especially during quarantine. Go figure. They also have a very different goal than I do at bedtime. My goal is to get them to bed as quickly and smoothly as possible while they are using every trick in the book to steal a few more minutes for themselves. Sometimes I feel the stress and anger creep up when they aren’t doing exactly what I told them to do in that same instant. My expectation is that they will be just as happy to go to bed as I am, but that’s unrealistic. Totally unrealistic, even though I can’t fathom someone not jumping at the chance to go to bed! #sleepislife So if there’s something that is starting to piss you off, ask yourself if you have realistic expectations of the person or situation and try and be as objective as possible.
Lack of Quality Time
If I’m fine physically and my expectations are pretty on point, but I am still getting angry and annoyed, it’s most likely because I haven’t had some quality time to myself. I know it’s trickier during a pandemic, but it is still possible and extremely important, now more than ever. You aren’t a bad mom if you take some time for yourself. I noticed that I’m a crappier mom when I DON’T take time for myself and a much better mom when I do. The better I feel, the better I can mom. I have found that what I do doesn’t matter that much, as long as it is something I enjoy. So, bring in WAY more things you enjoy doing and see if that helps curb your mad mom moments.
Lack of quality time with my family can also contribute. Even with all of this togetherness, there have been days that I’ve had a lot to do in addition to getting the kids through their schoolwork and chores, so it was like I was barking orders at them of “do this, do that, knock it off, stop – no! come here – listen” I got on their nerves and they got on mine. So when I started feeling like losing it on them, I went through this checklist mentally and realized I hadn’t spent some quality time with any of them that day and it showed. Realizing this, helped me to identify my anger and shift over to compassion for myself and the kids. The days that I take time to connect with each of my family members are not only happier but tend to go smoother. Remember, the better I feel, the better I can mom? Well, the better my kids feel, the better they can be too. Everyone needs and wants to feel loved and cared for. I know that I am more agreeable and less angry when I have spent quality time with my loved ones. They are more agreeable when we spend this time together too. Nurturing our connection is an incredible and fun way to avoid irritation for everyone.
Taking Things Personally
There are moments as a mom when our lovely children will say or do something that hurts our feelings. It happens to all of us, maybe more than we’d like to admit. It’s not easy to not take some things personally, but my dear, please know that you don’t have to. A book that helped me immensely with this is Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Laura Markham. She does a terrific job breaking down why kids do what they do and what they are really saying behind that, “You’re so mean!” statement. Once I realized that the majority of what my kids do and say are a reflection of what they are feeling, I’ve had an easier time taking less things personally.
We can feel overlooked and unappreciated and it hurts. We don’t have to let this one become an external trigger though. It’s important for us to take inventory of what we are doing and marvel at our amazing selves! It’s not just ok to give ourselves credit, but incredibly essential to recognize what we appreciate about ourselves and what we are doing as a mom! Once I get my list going of what I appreciate about myself, and what I’m proud about, I begin to feel immediate relief. If you can relate to this, check out this video about what to do when feeling unappreciated by family.
Here’s some real relief for you!
I’d love for you to try a beautiful FREE guided meditation I recorded for you to find instant relief and reconnect with your calm. I’ve gotten tons of excellent feedback on this meditation and would love to share that relief with you.
If you loved the advice in this post and would like even more content like this, definitely check out my book Embrace the Beautiful Chaos of Motherhood: The Secret of Staying True to Yourself which is available now! Want to learn more about the book? Click here.
Check out the YouTube video here for this post!
You can find all of these on my website www.embracethebeautifulchaos.com
|Now that you have a better idea of what triggers your anger, read or watch When You Get Ticked Off: Pay Attention to Your Anger for an easy technique you can use in the heat of the moment to calm down within seconds.
You got this, mama!